The married man I almost had sex with

I always said I would never be the woman who causes a wife distress and I had stayed the course until you visited my brother’s house that day. I was the only one at home and you and I had been friends so it was not unusual to let you in.

It was not unusual to hug you but it was a little strange to flirt and then cleverly bring up your wife. You see, back then, I enjoyed playing mind games with men because abandonment issues made me think it a source of power.

We sank into seats opposite each other and talked some more. After a while, I told you I would retreat to my bedroom and that you would find a pastime as you waited for my brother.

So when I heard a knock on my bedroom door a few minutes later, I didn’t think you would propose sex, but why not? We had just talked about your escapades with a married woman while you were younger and how I had been considering having my virginity broken.

I considered your proposal and as the angel and demon made their cases on my shoulders, I held your hands and hugged you. I eventually said ‘no’ and that you had go. You seemed disappointed but you had a wife at home so it wouldn’t be long before your itch got scratched.

A few minutes of pleasure and I would have set us on a path of embarrassment, brokenness and grieving God. I didn’t tell a soul what happened that day and you and I never met or spoke again.

I don’t blame you for what happened. We both danced that day but at least it wasn’t to the full song. I hope that under similar circumstances, we will both say ‘no’ with more ease.

To avoid getting tangled:

Watch what you discuss with married people
Conversations often seem harmless but they birth ideas in people’s minds. To keep from lusting after a married man or woman, and from turning this into an affair, start with the basic step of not starting, or ending, conversations that would make his or her partner uncomfortable.

Don’t spend too much time alone with the unavailable person you are attracted to
The risk here is that the two of you will eventually grow from spending time together once a year to doing so once a week or more frequently. You can convince yourself that nothing can happen, and this may very well be the fact, but it’s always better not to start a dance with the devil, because he is certainly watching and waiting for a moment of weakness.

Acknowledge your feelings and take appropriate actions
We are not brick walls so it is normal to be attracted to a married person. As the wise men say, however, what matters is the action you take. Will you take deliberate steps to end the attraction or will you simply dive in despite being aware of the consequences? You are in charge.

Learn from your mistakes
Don’t be the man or woman who repeatedly breaks others’ relationships and marriages and calls it a guilty pleasure. It is wrong. Period. If you have crossed the line before, the ideal is to come clean and deal with the consequences. Should you find yourself stuck in a cycle, seek help, even from therapists and other such professionals, on how to break free. Sometimes the mistake isn’t having a fling or an affair but merely considering having one. Don’t take these considerations lightly because they can brew and still end up causing serious damage. In this case, deal with the problem even before it becomes a reality.

Self control is …
Saying ‘no’ to someone or something, despite having full access, because the outcome of having that someone or something is worse than your present, seemingly undesirable state.

Good reads:
It’s not just sex: why people have affairs, and how to deal with them
9 Persons Married People end up Having Affairs With